is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
