were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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