I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
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She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
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she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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