I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Randomize
