the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
