He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
