were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Randomize
