So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
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