marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Randomize
