I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
