How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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