I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
