bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
