but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Randomize