i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
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