I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
