What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
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It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
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That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.