Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding