You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
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Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
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Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg