Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?