definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
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My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.