just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
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Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
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He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
i need some magic done to my vagina
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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