she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
