Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
