I accidentally had phone sex last night
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
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