just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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