i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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