just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize
