i barfeds in our rink
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize