I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
