talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
