I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Randomize
