TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Randomize
