If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
