So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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