its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
