I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Randomize
