Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Randomize
