they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
