i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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