Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I'm sobbing to NWA
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
