youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
