why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
