I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
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