life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize