how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Randomize
