I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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