Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Success! We fucked roommates!
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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