I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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