he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Randomize
