You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
