My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Did I show you my penis last night?
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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