Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
