Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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