My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
