Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
