So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
