Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
