if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
