Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
