I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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