I just cut my nipple shaving
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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