Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
how does that bad decision feel?
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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