Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
