You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
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