u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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