i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
