9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
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