in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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