Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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