I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
