mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
