I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
