is your mom at the bar?
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Couch. On fire.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
