Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
