Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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