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The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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